Triggers by Marshall Goldsmith explores our environment and how it (sometimes) triggers unwanted behavioral responses.
The idea is not to blame our environment. We can rarely change it, but rather work on our response.
Marshall’s proposal, be aware, be present, reflect and choose.
Two ideas stood out for me.
1/AIWATT
The author’s magic question to reduce daily stress, conflicts, and wasted time.
“ Am I willing, at this time, to make the investment required to make a positive difference on this topic?”
He built it on two concepts.
The first is this sentence:
“Our mission in life should be to make a positive difference, not to prove how smart or right we are.”—Peter Drucker.
And the second is a Buddhist idea that reminds us that the solution is always within us.
So before we engage ( when the “trigger” comes) in a pointless discussion, we take a deep breath, return to a moment of awareness, and mentally ask ourselves this question.
“ Am I willing, at this time, to make the investment required to make a positive difference on this topic?”
If we don’t have the energy to positively help with the issue, then it’s best to say nothing.
2/Active questions. (I love them)
Active questions ensure that you improve.
Our unwanted behaviors happen all the time often initiated by the famous “trigger”.
What is our traditional way of trying to change that?
Our good resolutions once a year. Which we often forget after a few weeks. 😀
— umm I want to eat more slowly.
I’ve at least 3 chances a day to improve. But when the right dish comes along, do I remember the resolution I made 3 months ago? (If you don’t believe me, find out how hard it is for me to change a simple bad habit.)
— umm I wish I would stop getting angry with my co-workers.
I’ve dozens of opportunities a day. But when the morning goes wrong. When I’ve just lost a big contract. And then my collaborator asks me the same question about something that seems obvious. Do I remember my good resolution?
— umm I want to improve my active listening skills
I come home in the evening exhausted after a long day at work. My wife starts to tell me how complex her day was. She needs to talk about it. Do I take the chance to apply my active listening?
It’s hard to change behavior as an adult. That’s where active questioning comes in.
The principles:
- You don’t measure the outcome but your effort. All questions start with “Did I do my best to”.
- You evaluate yourself every day from 0 to 10 on each question. (less than 2 minutes in an Excel sheet)
- Marshall offers 6 generalist questions that cover the basics of a happy life. Aspiration (my why), ambition (my goals), action (what I do every day)
- “Did I do my best to”
- Set clear goals?
- Make progress towards my goals?
- Be happy?
- Find meaning in my life?
- Build positive relationships?
- Be fully engaged?
- “Did I do my best to”
- Then you can personalize your questions on the topics you want to improve. And review them every day. If I continue with my example, it could be:
- “Did I do my best to”
- eat more slowly?
- keep my cool with my colleagues?
- improve my active listening?
- “Did I do my best to”
This is what Marshall offers us in this book in summary.
- Reflect on what we want to improve.
- Understand that our environment often negatively impacts our responses.
- Search for and implement more appropriate options.
- Have the clarity of mind to do it in the moment (AIWATT).
- And use follow-up active questions to ensure successful change.
Enjoy your reading.
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What Got You Here Won’t Get You There by Marshall Goldsmith
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