I first read this book in 2017. And to this day, I practice some of the ideas daily.
So, I thought, re-reading it shouldn’t be a bad idea.
And it was the case…
Gay Hendricks is a renowned psychologist, writer, and coach.
The main idea of the book is to learn how to take the leap to your ultimate level of success in love, money, creative contribution and to stay there.
Interesting, no?
So let’s dive in.
What is the Upper Limit Problem?
It’s a universal tendency to sabotage ourselves when we have reached a self-imposed mental limit.
We naturally have limited tolerance for happiness. When things are going too well, we build up negative thoughts to stop the flow of well-being.
- When everything is going well at work, we create tension in our love relationship.
- When everything is going well in our finances, we create tension at work.
- When everything is going well in [—-], we create a tension [—-]
Gary discovered this pattern on himself and studied it for years. And he gives us a method to get rid of this negative spiral.
“The pattern was simple: enjoy a period of feeling really good; then do something to mess it up. I also realized that the same pattern had a grip on the world at large.”
How do you know when you are limiting yourself?
A sign you can’t miss. Worries.
Most of our worries are useless. They imagine a dark future that rarely comes true.
A worry is only good if you can act on it now. For the rest, it’s a mind creation to sabotage part of our well-being. It’s our limit to happiness.
” It took me a long time to figure out that 99 percent of my worrying was completely unnecessary.”
The author even believes that getting hurt or sick is sometimes a sign of our ability to sabotage ourselves.
Since working on this concept, he hasn’t had a cold in 13 years.
“Sometimes a headache’s just a headache, but often if you look a little deeper you’ll find that it’s an expression of your Upper Limit Problem.”
The ULP (Upper Limit Problem) is the only problem we have to solve.
Gay’s experience with him and thousands of other people is if you can fix this issue, you fix all of your problems. And it starts with a commitment to yourself. This commitment has transformed Gay’s life.
Are you ready to take the leap to your ultimate level of success in love, money and creative contribution?
If you’re like me, at this point in the book, you say yes 😀
So how do you take the plunge?
The author describes 4 main areas in which we navigate in our lives.
- The zone of incompetence
- The area of competence
- The zone of excellence
- The Zone of Genius
Most people navigate their way through life between the zone of competence and excellence but never reach their zone of genius. Gay believes that the mid-life crisis with depression, illness, and relationship conflicts partly comes from our inability to live in our zone of genius.
What is the Zone of Genius?
“Your Zone of Genius is the set of activities you are uniquely suited to do.”
In your genius zone, you don’t feel like you’re working. Her granddaughter describes it well…. “It’s like a superpower.”
Unlike other areas that tend to be a box where you lock yourself in and beat yourself up. The zone of genius becomes a spiral of continuous improvement.
Gay suggests a few questions to find it. He makes an analogy with Russian dolls. Each time you lift one, you dig a little deeper and discover your unique skills.
- “What do I like to do most?”
- “What is my unique ability?”
- “What is the work I do that doesn’t seem like work?”
While re-reading the book, I found notes on this passage from 2017(thanks Evernote), where I mentioned my desire to become a coach. It took me more than 6 years to realize this idea. (I found notes in 2016 in my journal that already touched on the subject).
When I coach ambitious leaders to accelerate their growth while enjoying their lives and relationships, I feel in my zone of genius 😀
How to build and stay in it? (your Zone of Genius.)
The author proposes a simple and original exercise. The mantra.
Repeat a phrase at different times of the day that reminds you to live in your genius zone.
“I expand in abundance, success, and love every day, as I inspire those around me to do the same.”
I was a little skeptical when I first read this in 2017. My very rational side 😀
But I’ve kept this practice since then. I use it every morning in my quiet time and at different parts of my day when I feel myself going towards my “ULP”. And that makes me feel good.
Fix the relationship problem.
Gay is a relationship expert. He gives us a secret to improve them.
Each person in a relationship must take 100% responsibility for solving the problem.
By doing this, we get out of the victim role and our marriages and businesses are better off.
For example, a man may complain to me that his wife is too passive. If he were to own the projection, he would say, “I have not learned to handle a relationship in which a woman is being powerful and equal, so I create relationships with women in which I require them to be passive.”
A woman may complain that her partner dominates her and limits her full expression. If she were to own the projection, she would say, “I attract men who dominate and control me. I have not learned how to be my own boss and take up my full space in the world.”
Conclusion.
This book made me think deeply about my “Upper Limit Problem”. He gave me tools (the questions, the mantra) to look for my zone of genius and stay there. You can feel the experience and the life of the author.
I realized how much this book meant to me when I reread it, but even more when I worked on my notes. I highly recommend you read it.
PS: Whenever you’re ready, here are 2 other ways I can help accelerate your growth through coaching :
- You are an individual: You have a bias for action. You’ve achieved a lot. And yet you want more. Curious? Learn more here.
- You want to be coached in your work environment. I help successful leaders become even better. And you pay me only if you succeed. (yes, I’m serious). Curious? Learn more here.
Leave a Reply