Following your many feedbacks, I’ll dig into one of the 10 principles (each week) that helped me succeed in my craziest projects. For those who missed the 10 principles, here is the link🙂
So let’s start with the first one:
1/Assume 100% responsibility: the first principle to succeed in your wildest projects
Create meaning in your life.
My second principle (which I will elaborate on next week) is to look ahead. If I try to apply it to this first idea “Take 100% responsibility”, I will start with Viktor Frankl’s concept.
What is our greatest responsibility?
Create meaning in our lives.
In doing so, we find the courage to face the small and big difficulties we encounter.
2 tools to do so:
Stephen R Covey’s Circle of Influence and Circle of Concern
If we don’t take the time to think, we spend our time on concerns over which we have no control.
Dr. Martin Seligman concludes in his book “Authentic Happiness” that there are 3 points on which our happiness depends.
- Genetics
- Circumstances
- Things we can control
And guess which one has the most influence?
The 3rd 🙂
The tool that has helped me to put this concept into practice is Stephen R Covey’s Circle of Influence.
The more I focus on my circle of concern, the less influence I have.
The more I focus on my circle of influence, the more it grows.
In the book “The Leadership Challenge,” the authors describe how Frappuccino, one of Starbucks’ flagship drinks, was born. The brand did not want to invest in blenders. One of the employees decided to bring his own and offer his favorite drink. It has become one of Starbucks’ hits.
We have much more influence than we realize.
100% responsibility.
On 11/28/2011, I started reading “The Success Principles by Jack Canfield.
I never finished the book.
It’s not on my list of favorites.
And yet, it marked me. That’s the power of an idea in a book.
“Take 100% responsibility” is a chapter from Jack.
This does not mean that we are responsible for everything. But rather that we take 100% responsibility for how we react to everything that happens to us.
“You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself.”
— JIM ROHN.
And when we do, our lives become more interesting.
With experience, I have found that 100% is easier (for me) than 95% in many areas of life.
It’s easier for me to :
- Exercise every day instead of 3 times a week.
- Stop consuming something rather than doing it in moderation
- Do a daily exercise to maintain/learn a language rather than doing it a few times a week.
And sometimes, we say to ourselves that we can’t take 100% responsibility because it depends on the other person.
I like this example from Gay Hendricks in “The Big Leap,” which shows how we can take ownership of responding in situations not solely up to us.
“For example, a man may complain to me that his wife is too passive. If he were to own the projection, he would say, “I have not learned to handle a relationship in which a woman is being powerful and equal, so I create relationships with women in which I require them to be passive.”.
Or
“A woman may complain that her partner dominates her and limits her full expression. If she were to own the projection, she would say, “I attract men who dominate and control me. I have not learned how to be my own boss and take up my full space in the world.”
Between the stimulus and response, there is a space…
This is a different matter. Our ability to respond responsibly under fire.
The diagram below shows where our space of freedom lies.
3 tools to help you progress on this skill.
1/ Before :
Imagine a difficult situation that is likely to occur. For example, an office colleague who tends to be aggressive in meetings or your children who can quickly get you out of your depth.
Take some quiet time and imagine yourself responding as the person you want to become. It could be with calm and firmness.
Replay the scene several times. The more you do it, the easier it will be to reproduce when the situation arises in real life.
Articles to go further:
- Want to accelerate your path to financial independence? Learn how to prepare for the next crash? (the second paragraph on visualization)
- The Bad Child : How can self-reflection benefit you? (the last paragraph on visualization)
2/ During & after :
There is a gap between our perception and those around us. The idea here is to take responsibility for changing our behavior and also the perception of the people around us.
How?
- By involving the people who matter.
- By explaining the behavior we want to change,
- Asking them for feedback and suggestions for progress on the subject.
When you’re lucky enough to get this feedback, the secret is to pause (just when you’re dying to justify yourself🙂), say thank you, and take time to reflect.
“Between the stimulus and the response, there is a space.”
Space is worked on in everyday life. The more you enlarge it, the more you progress.
Want to put it into practice in the context of your work? I use a unique method developed by Marshall Goldsmith to accompany you.
3/ After :
The idea is to take responsibility for anchoring the new behavior you wish to adopt long-term.
Active questions are an excellent tool.
“Did I do my best today to respond calmly and firmly to the behaviors of…”
You will find the explanation, the process, and the tool to set it up in this article.
Another way to be more proactive…
“In life, never spend more than 10 percent of your time on the problem, and spend at least 90 percent of your time on the solution”
— Awaken the Giant Within by Tony Robbins
On my way to becoming a Professional Certified Coach with ICF (The International Coaching Federation), I am training in a method called ‘Solution Focused Coaching.’ One of the particularities of this current is its focus on the solution, not the problem.
We naturally lock ourselves into the problem and brood over it in every direction.
But that rarely gets us anywhere…
And it doesn’t help our proactivity…
Once you have noted your problem, focus on the possible options to solve it.
You move from anxiety to possibility.
2 questions to take charge of the pain and pleasure process
It’s not a conscious decision. But we do!
Change is difficult. Solving a problem is difficult.
So our brain takes the easy way out. Doing nothing is a short-term pleasure.
But he forgets that this (may) cost us great pain in the long run.
So let’s not let it happen, and let’s take back responsibility for how we allocate the pain and pleasure in the process 🙂
Tony Robbins’ recommendation. Let’s combine a lot of pain in doing nothing now and a lot of pleasure in the experience of changing now.
I like to do it in a very practical way with these two questions:
- What would it cost me to do nothing? (pain)
- Imagine that this challenge is met. What do you see? What do you hear? How do you feel? (pleasure)
And a last one to finish reinforcing our responsibility…
We often mistakenly think that someone will come and save us.
We become much more responsible when we understand (finally) that nobody will come.
Everyone has to make their way to progress continuously.
The more we do (proactive), the more we increase our chances of success.
Here’s what I learned about this first principle.
See you next week to dig into the second principle, “Clarity: focus on the horizon, not our shoes.” 🙂
In the same series :
- 10 principles that helped me achieve my dreams…(And that could help you achieve yours). Part 1
- Part Two
- Take 100% responsibility: the first principle to succeed in your wildest projects
- Clarity: focus on the horizon, not on our shoes. The second principle to succeed in your wildest projects
- Courage: dare to commit to your dreams without knowing how to achieve them.
- We have all the time we need to make our dreams come true
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PS: Whenever you are ready, here are 2 more ways I can help you accelerate your growth through coaching:
- You are an individual: you have a penchant for action. You’ve achieved a lot. And yet you want more. Curious? Let’s connect for a free call and see if we can work together
- You want to be coached in the workplace: I help successful leaders become even better. And you only pay me if you succeed (yes, I am serious). Curious? Let’s connect for a free call and see if we can work together
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