Successful Behavior Change In 4 Steps (and Less Than 2 Minutes A Day)

Go ahead, you can do it

But once again, it went straight over the side, touching zero pins.

That’s how our family bowling night turned into a nightmare for our son.

The worst thing for him, was to see his little sister score more points.

Faced with his confusion, my wife and dad offered to roll their balls so he could practice more.

(You noticed that I didn’t. 47 years old and still too caught in “always want to win.” The main point of improvement put forward by Marshall in his book What Got You Here Won’t Get You There).

But back to our story.

What do you think happened to my son?

Much to our surprise, he threw strike after strike when he fired a ball not under his name.

The story our little voice whispers to us.

• I can’t afford any mistakes.
• Everyone looks at me.
• What will they think of me?
• I’m ridiculous.

99% of our story is only in our heads.

Apart from his loving family in the bowling alley, no one paid any attention to Theodore’s shots.

99% of what we rehearse in our heads never happens.

But because we keep dwelling on it, we lose concentration and results.

What other way of thinking could my son have adopted to help him?

• It’s just one shot. I forget about it and concentrate on the next one. Cyclist Primož Roglič, in an interview just after a crash in which he dislocated his shoulder in Tour de France 2022 says “it’s only a stage, I have time to catch up.”
• Observation. How do the good strikers around him do it?
• Big picture. Even if I end up with zero on the scoreboard at the end of the game. What’s at stake? Can I handle the situation? Unlike Primož, there are no stakes in our bowling game 🙂

Theodore is 13 years old. He has time to learn (if he makes efforts at self-reflection).
But how many grow into adulthood with behaviors that no longer serve us? And continue to reproduce them (me, not offering my bowling balls to my son in distress 🙂).

Static Vs. Dynamics

Anthony Robbins, in his book Awaken The Giant Within, explains that the biggest problem is thinking that our “problem” is permanent.

Every problem is dynamic. All it takes is one decision to change it.

It’s not easy (especially as an adult), but it’s possible.

Want to give it a try?

Successful Behavior Change In 4 Steps (and Less Than 2 Minutes A Day)

1/ Choose a behavior you want to change

For example:

• What do I want instead of what will they think of me?
• It scares me, so I’ll give it a try.
• Ask questions to understand instead of constantly trying to convince others with my ideas.

If you don’t know what to improve and are ready to receive feedback. Ask around.

“Even though we may be able to deny our problems to ourselves, they may be very obvious to the people who are observing us. ”
— Marshall Goldsmith

• What can I do to be a better dad?
• What can I do to be a better colleague?
• What can I do to be a better leader?

The “Johari Window” concept explains it well…You’ll be looking for the “Blind Spot” quadrant…

2/Transform your behavior into active questions starting with this formulation.

Did I do my best today to :

• Thinking about what I want instead of what they’ll think of me?
• Trying when it scares me?
• Understanding before being understood.

3/Familiarize yourself with the method by reading paragraph 2 of this blog on the book Triggers By Marshall Goldsmith(1 min)

4/Track your progress with this free tool(active questions) over the next 30 days.
(less than 2 minutes per day)

Author Marshall Goldsmith has been answering his “active questions” for over 20 years, so we may as well try it together for 30 days.

There’s no age and no right time to improve.

So why not start this today 🙂

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• You’re ambitious: you’ve already achieved a lot. And you intend to continue. But this time, you want to do it while enjoying the important things in your life. Curious? Click here.
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