How Empathy And Active Listening Can Boost Your Projects (and Your Success)

And here is the next part of the series “10 principles that helped me achieve my dreams…(and may help achieve yours)”

For those who missed the big picture, here is the link 🙂

Today, we’re diving into the ninth principle: How empathy and active listening can boost your projects (and success).

Our problem. We think too much of ourselves.

• Progress in my career
• Find my job.
• Find my new customers.

“Less me. More them. Equals success. “-Marshall Goldsmith

Our projects depend on our ability to influence others.

“It’s a paradox, in a sense, because in order to have influence, you have to be influenced.” –The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey

And that means active and empathetic listening.

It took me a while to understand…

I can divide my 20-year corporate career into 2 parts of 10 years.

In both cases, I was promoted 4 times.

At first glance, it looks identical.

But I had much more impact on the second part.

Why?

I was (too) focused on my Private Victory at the start. (see diagram)

It helped me to be more efficient.

But my career took off when I started to focus (also) on Public Victory, particularly habit no. 5.

“Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood”

I found the route as Sean Covey describes it in one of the latest versions of the book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey

The success of our projects depends on our ability to communicate better with others.

In the first part, I concentrated (too) much on my career.

My search was stuck on one cursor. What’s my next position?

When I changed this slider to :

• What does the company need?
• What are my team’s ambitions?
• How can we create a pocket of excellence in everything we do?

I learned to listen and understand better through their points of view. And my career took off, from export manager to COO, through several general management positions.

I don’t pretend to master this process 🙂. It’s a permanent quest for continuous improvement. Sometimes you get it right; sometimes, you miss it entirely (I often do).

And that’s the beauty of the coaching system I propose to corporate leaders. Choose a leadership skill that can significantly impact their teams’ morale and results, and work on it deliberately. This process helps them to change and achieve lasting success.

“Living in a cave does not make you a geologist,” Anders humorously observes, and simply being in a management position does not make you a great leader.
-The Truth About Leadership by James M. Kouzes, Barry Z. Posner

Whether you’re looking to progress in your career, find a new job, find customers, or resolve a complex situation with a loved one, seeking to understand the other before being understood will help you…

How can we put the principle into practice in our projects?

What we can start not doing:

Stephen Covey has a lovely way of putting it. He calls it “autobiographical listening”. It’s about bringing everything the other person says back to us.

• We evaluate: agree, disagree
• We test: using our own frame of reference
• We advise: “Oh yes, that reminds me, you should do X.”
• We interpret what the other person says based on our motivations.

What we can try to do:

Try to understand what the other person means and how they feel. Questions are our best ally.

• Tell me a little more?
• What do you want to do?
• What’s important to you? Why is it now?

Reciprocity:

When we try to understand someone, they’ll probably ask us for our point of view at some point.

This is where we can present our idea. We understood his situation and won the opportunity to present our idea.

Our point of view has (perhaps) evolved due to actively listening. We were vulnerable enough to let ourselves be influenced. We’ve found common ground that can help reduce our differences.

But if there are still disparities, that’s where our courage comes in. With calm and respect, we try to influence or find another way forward that might work better for all stakeholders.

Steps that are easy to understand but difficult to apply during an exchange:

• Try to understand first. (listen)
• Make sure you understand. (rephrase)
• If you have a different point of view, ask if you can share it. (permission)
• Be creative and courageous. Look together for a new way to satisfy both sides.

Showing your vulnerability

And when we fail, it’s best to say so.

“Sorry, I wasn’t listening to you trying to understand; I was preparing my answer. Do you mind if we start again?”

Showing our vulnerability by agreeing to change our minds, proposing another alternative, or simply acknowledging that we weren’t listening carefully only increases trust.

It’s not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of strength.

Conclusion

Developing empathic listening takes time, but as Stephen Covey says, certainly less time and trouble than trying to fix things afterward.

When we listen more carefully to the people around us, they’ll feel appreciated and understood, and we’ll be able to move forward together more quickly toward our joint projects.

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In the same series :

• 10 principles that helped me achieve my dreams…(And that could help you achieve yours). Part 1
• Part Two
• First principle: Take 100% responsibility: the first principle to succeed in your wildest projects
• Second principe : Clarity: Focus On The Horizon, Not Our Shoes. The second principle to succeed in your wildest projects
• Third principle: Courage: Dare To Commit To Your Dreams Without Knowing How To Achieve Them..
• Fourth principle: We Have All The Time We Need To Make Our Dreams Come True.
• Fifth principle: How To Gain Confidence And Take Action: 9 Ideas To Make Our Dreams Come True
• Sixth principle: 4 Ideas To Develop Your Concentration And Find Pleasure In The Practice
• Principle seven: The secret to achieving your ambitions: choose the right measure and review it frequently.
• Eighth principle: The power of the diary: how to overcome problems and make your dreams come true?

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PS: Whenever you’re ready, here are 2 more ways I can help you accelerate your growth through coaching:

• You’re ambitious: you’ve already achieved a lot. And you intend to continue. But this time, you want to do it while enjoying the important things in your life. Curious? Click here.
• You lead a team: you know that a slight improvement in your leadership can significantly impact the team’s results and, therefore, your career. I was trained and certified by the world’s first executive coach, Marshall Goldsmith. I accompany you in your project and guarantee the result. You only pay me if you succeed. Curious? Let’s connect for a free call and see if we can work together