We’re continuing our 12-week series to accelerate your career.
For those who missed the first one, click here: “Start with the End in Mind.”
Today, we’re diving into active listening. A skill strongly correlated with professional advancement and leadership success. (Source: Center for Creative Leadership)
Most of the time:
- We try to save time.
- We think we know where the other person is going.
- We think we have a better solution.
Often, we don’t even realize it anymore.
Listen to respond has become an automatic response.
But when we no longer see it, others can’t take it anymore.
In my coaching process, I always start with a 360° where I interview the coachee’s stakeholders. And what’s not visible to us is obvious to others.
In the end, listening to respond wastes time, creates misunderstandings, annoys, and reduces our influence…
4 Habits to Master “Listening to Understand”
1/ Calm your inner voice.
The one who says:
- “Ah yes, I know”
- “No, it won’t work”
- “It reminds me of my experience…”
Focus on the other person.
Tips to counteract the natural tendency to get distracted:
- Avoid technology. A notebook is enough.
- Staying in the moment? Observe a part of the other person’s face.
- Write what you want to say. Frees up bandwidth for listening.
- Is it still necessary? Peter Drucker said, “Our mission in life should be to make a positive contribution, not to prove how smart or right we are.” If we have no value to add, let’s be quiet.
2/ Ask clarifying questions.
- “What brought you to this conclusion?”
- “Tell me more.”
In his book “Think Again”, Adam Grant discusses the concept of confident humility.
Being confident in our expertise while knowing that we have blind spots.
Questions of clarification help us to understand better and show interest in our interlocutors.
In the world of leadership, there’s a fascination with “good questions”.
In coaching, I see their power, but also their limits.
We fall back into our ego: “I asked a great question that unlocked the situation.” We overthink and disrupt the flow of the conversation.
Often, follow-up questions are enough. They let the other person express themselves and show our interest.
3/ Earn the other person’s trust.
Trust is your greatest asset. The more you earn, the more you increase your influence and accelerate your career.
Active listening is like passive investing (See my lazy strategy for achieving financial independence). No immediate big effects, but robust like a rock. It accumulates and generates compound interest.
The simple fact of being able to rephrase the other person’s ideas as well, or even better, creates a context for better collaboration.
4/ The moment of truth: Be vulnerable.
In “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”, Stephen Covey reminds us to be vulnerable.
Active listening is not a tactic to manipulate the other person.
It is a collaborative tool to find the best option.
Several choices are available to us:
- Convinced: Let go of our ego. Announce it. Everyone wins.
“At the beginning of our exchange, I thought…, but listening to you, you convinced me that…” - Not convinced: Listening attentively has increased our influence. In return, the other person will often listen to us better and may even agree with our opinion.
- The third way: By listening to each other, we enriched our ideas and found a better way. Not mine, not yours, but the one we co-created.
Take action today
A good communicator is a good listener.
Listening to understand, not to respond, is not a question of knowing.
I’ve never yet met anyone who didn’t understand this principle.
It’s a question of practice.
Here’s a formula that will take 2 minutes a day and transform your listening.
Are you ready?
Intention + Practice + Self-evaluation = Effective listening.
Morning Intention:
- Start your day with a clear objective.
- Where can I apply active listening today?
Evening self-evaluation :
- End your day by rating yourself from 0 to 10.
- Did I do my best today to listen to understand?
Do this over 30 days and watch your progress.
Bonus 1: a free tool to track your progress.
- Copy the Google Sheet
- Put in your personalized question: Did I do my best today to listen to understand?
- Morning Intention: Where can I apply active listening today?
- Evening self-evaluation: Rate yourself from 0 to 10
- You’re looking for accountability: Share the file with me. I can track your progress. 50% of people give up in less than 14 days. Those who continue improve.
See you soon.
Dror
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In the same series :
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PS: Whenever you’re ready, here are 2 more ways I can help you accelerate your growth through coaching:
- You ‘re ambitious: you’ve already achieved a lot. And you intend to continue. But this time, you want to do it while enjoying the important things in your life. Curious? Click here .
- You lead a team: you know that a small improvement in your leadership can have a huge impact on the team’s results and, consequently, on your career. I’ve been trained and certified by the world’s first executive coach, Marshall Goldsmith. I accompany you on your project and guarantee the result. You only pay me if you succeed. Would you like to find out more? Contact me and let’s see if we can work together.
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