3 Letters That Destroy Your Communication (And How To Fix It In 2 Minutes)

We all want to get our point across.
Sometimes our words can do more harm than good. One word can be a real communication killer: “but.”  

Think about it. How often do you use the word “but?”

Probably more often than you realize.
And every time you do, you’re erasing everything you said before it. 

9 ways “but” can destroy your communication:

1. Negates the positive. “You did a great job on that presentation, BUT…”  
2. Reduces trust. “I trust your judgment, BUT…”  
3. Undermines collaboration. “I understand your point of view, BUT…”  
4. Creates tension. “I appreciate your efforts, BUT this isn’t what I expected.”  
5. Creates defensiveness. “I see your perspective, BUT…”  
6. Hinders problem-solving. “That’s a good idea, BUT it won’t work.”  
7. Limits your influence. “This is a great opportunity, BUT…”  
8. Shuts down communication. “I hear what you’re saying, BUT…”  
9. Reduces empathy. “I know you’re feeling frustrated, BUT…”  

Why we can’t seem to stop using this word

• Habit: “But” becomes our default response, without thinking.
• Lack of awareness: We’re often blind to how our words affect others.
• Under stress: Under pressure, “but” becomes our shield.
• Perfectionism: We see the flaws first, even in the good.

So, what’s the solution? 

Replace “but” with “and.”  

It’s a simple change, and it can make a big difference in how you communicate. Instead of erasing everything you said before, you’re building on it. You’re creating a more positive, collaborative, and empathetic conversation.  

Here are a few examples:

• Instead of saying, “You did a great job on that presentation, BUT…” say, “I appreciate your hard work on this project, AND I’m excited to see how we can build on this success.”  
• Instead of saying, “I trust your judgment, BUT…” say, “I trust your judgment, AND I value your input on this decision.”  
• Instead of saying, “I understand your point of view, BUT…” say, “I understand your point of view, AND I think we can find a solution that works for both of us.”  

See the difference?

Changing your communication habits takes time and effort, and it’s worth it. 

The more you practice, the better you’ll become at communicating effectively. And the more effectively you communicate, the better your relationships will be.  

Here’s a 2-minute formula to help you make the change:

• Intention: Start your day with a clear goal. Where can I apply this behavior today?  
• Self-Evaluation: End your day by rating yourself from 0 to 10. Did I do my best today to replace “but” with “and?”  

Try this for 30 days and see the change.  

Remember: Leadership is practiced every single day.  

Eliminate the “but.” Embrace the “and.”

Ready to transform your communication?
Let’s chat for 30 minutes to explore how you can become a more influential and impactful leader.

See you soon.
Dror

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