10 things I learned from meeting my mentor Marshall Goldsmith
But who is Marshall?
He’s like the Roger Federer of the coaching and leadership world.
- Twice recognized as the world’s #1 leadership thinker
- Coached over 150 of the planet’s biggest CEOs
- Written over 40 books, including 4 NYT bestsellers…
I was lucky enough to be selected to take part in two events organized by Marshall in Nashville.
- “Future Leaders” – 100 leaders were chosen and Marshall delivered a training session based on his book “What Got You Here Won’t Get You There”.
- “Train the Trainer” 30 industry professionals (Speaker, Coach, Trainer) to be trained by Marshall.
I was very excited to be able to spend 6 days with my mentor.
10 things I learned from him.
Future Leaders 2024 event
1/ It all starts with “me
When I asked him the question, “Among all your engagements, who was the most difficult person to coach?”
Without hesitation, the answer came: “Me.”
Marshall, who is an expert on the theory of change, doesn’t hide the fact that changing requires a lot of intentionality. For over 30 years, he has used every day a process he created . “Daily questions.” (I talk about it here in the summary of Book Triggers)
The concept is simple. Whatever you’re trying to change, you turn it into an active question.
“Did I do my best today to (what you’re trying to change)?”
“It’s easy to talk about life, it’s hard to live it”, a phrase Marshall often repeats.
The higher we climb in the professional hierarchy, the more important our interpersonal behaviors become.
Having a mechanism to change anything we want is invaluable.
I’ve observed the effectiveness of this simple process for my clients and myself.
Want to try?(download the file with the structure here)
Train the Trainer 2024 event
2/ The result is not important, the process is
“When you play a point, it must be the most important thing in the world, and it is. But when it’s behind you, it’s behind you. ” Roger Federer
We often mistakenly think that the result will make us happy.
Marshall has coached billionaires and he confirms it.
No external result will make us happier.
Should we stop pursuing goals?
No…
He suggests continuing to pursue our dreams but detaching ourselves from the result.
The adventure is in the pursuit of the goal.
3/ Enjoy the present moment
Marshall illustrates this with the story of the marshmallow.
This study done in the 60s concluded that children who keep their marshmallow instead of eating it have more success in life. (delaying gratification)
The problem.
If you wait too long. You end up old, depressed and with thousands of uneaten marshmallows.
Let’s enjoy the present moment in the pursuit of our ambitions and eat a few marshmallows along the way.
4/ We only need 3 things to feel happy…
Design by the talented Hannah Wilson ✍
- Health… If we have it, we can’t complain about anything.
- Relationships: Nurture relationships with the people we love.
- Enough: Understand your “Enough” for money and free yourself from it. Knowing it helps you understand when you’re no longer working for money.
“Enough” has meant a lot to me. It’s something I’ve worked on all my adult life. The F.I.R.E method helped me to rationalize my “enough”. (articles related to my search for financial independence)
My new career as a coach is the result of it.
5/ We don’t ask because we’re afraid of the answer…
What do I have to do to be a better dad? son? husband? friend? boss….
It’s a scary question. We prefer to talk about the weather.
Marshall encourages us to have these discussions.
And he applies the formula to himself.
His presentation is filled with anecdotes gathered during his Feedforward (suggestions) sessions with the people around him.
- “Hey Frank (photo below), give me two tips for staying in shape?”
- Weigh yourself every morning.
- When you’re above your weight, eat less or fast for the day.
Frank Wagner, a coaching legend who trained me for a year.
This is feedforward in action, very different from feedback… A pillar of the method I use in companies to help leaders improve their leadership behavior.
- We focus on the future, which we can change.
- We don’t comment on suggestions.
- We say thank you
- We choose the ones that can help us
- We put them into practice
- We regularly measure our progress with the people around us by continuing to ask for feedforward.
6/ Ask, don’t assume
He’s not talking to me anymore, he’s mad at me…
It’s all (often) in our brains.
Instead of ruminating, let’s talk. (not by email)
“The story I’m telling myself is that you….., what about your side?”
We often discover that most things happen in our heads.
7/ Temporary mental clarity
We’ve all experienced difficult events in our lives.
When they happen, we tell ourselves, from now on I’m going to pay more attention to the important things in life.
Eat healthy, spend more time with my loved ones, appreciate every moment…
How long does it last? 1 day, 1 week, 1 month before we fall back into our bad habits.
The lesson is, life is easy to plan and hard to live.
Let’s not wait for tragic events to wake us up. Let’s work every day ( daily questions) to improve ourselves.
8/ The decision-maker wins
We spend an incredible amount of time criticizing the decision-maker.
Marshall invites us to reflect on a concept he learned from the great thinker Peter Drucker.
I can try to influence. But when the decision-maker has decided, I move on.
Criticizing, complaining, is useless….
9/ Credibility
False modesty is an excuse.
We all want to be recognized for our value and work.
The problem is, we don’t like to sell ourselves.
It requires taking risks.
The questions Marshall asks to get us out of our comfort zone.
- Will the world be better off – or worse off – if I become more influential?
- Does promoting myself and trying to become more influential make me uncomfortable?
- What’s more important to me – my personal comfort or making the world a better place?
His suggestion…
Let’s get out of our comfort zone and take risks to promote our work.
10/ Create your brand
No matter what you do, take the time to develop your own brand, it will help you find your next job, create and develop your business…
He has invested heavily in his brand, and it’s fair to say he’s succeeded.
He predicts that those who manage to do so over the next 10 years will be 10x more successful than he was…
Conclusion
Which point resonated with you? What do you want to apply in your life to create the changes you desire?
See you soon.
Dror
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PS: Whenever you’re ready, here are 2 more ways I can help you accelerate your important projects through coaching:
- You’re ambitious: you’ve already achieved a lot. And you intend to continue. But this time, you want to do it while enjoying the important things in your life. Curious? Click here.
- You lead a team: you know that a small improvement in your leadership can have a huge impact on the team’s results and, therefore, on your career. I’ve been trained and certified by the world’s first executive coach, Marshall Goldsmith. I accompany you in your project and guarantee the result. You only pay me if you succeed. Would you like to know more? Let’s connect for a free call and see if we can work together.
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